A Paper Bag
by Oricon
Summary: Answer to the Paper Bag Challenge on Fictionalley. Oneshot. Snape challenges Harry to find his way out of a paper bag. Hilariousness.


Paper Bag

Answer to the Paper Bag Challenge on Fictionalley. Enjoy!

It was an ordinary day at Hogwarts and the Slytherins and Gryffindors 5th years were all in the dungeons for potions class. Professor Snape gave a short lecture on Strengthening Solutions, put the directions on the board and ordered the class to commence with the potion making.

Professor Snape began stalking around the room, paying special attention to Harry. Harry could feel Professor Snape's eyes on the back of his neck and became very nervous. About thirty minutes into the potion making process, however, Harry realized that his potion was in grave danger. He'd accidentally put in ashwinder eggs when he should have put in boomslang skin.

"Jeez, Harry," he thought to himself, "who the freak does something like that? Seriously!"

However, Harry hadn't thought that to himself. Instead, he'd yelled it out loud for the whole class, and Professor Snape, to hear.

Before Harry could even look at his rebelling potion, Professor Snape had swooped down upon him.

"What do you think you are doing, Potter?" Snape sneered.

"Um... chastising myself in a very embarrassing fashion?"

"Try again."

"Um... completely destroying my potion and my hopes at ever achieving a passing grade in your class?"

"BINGO!" Snape yelled. "Honestly, Potter. Your stupidity has gone past the point of amusement," he said turning around and walking to the front of the class. "I seriously doubt that, given a map, a compass, and a pair of scissors that you could find your way out of a paper bag!"

There were several giggles from the classroom and a reply, a whisper just loud enough to be audible by the class, "Oh, I so could."

Snape pulled his wand from his robes and slowly turned around. The expression on his face was deadly.

"Prove it," Snape hissed and he conjured a giant paper bag around the Boy Who Lived.

There was a momentary rustling coming from the bag and a muffled voice that said, "What about my map, compass and scissors?"

Snape rolled his eyes, but complied and he conjured the three things and shoved them into the top of the bag.

"There," Snape snapped. "Now, do it!"

"I need a flashlight," Harry said and more rustling could be heard.

"No flashlights," Snape stated.

"Fine! Ok, Harry, you can do this. It'll be easy. If I can just find the map... Ah, here it is. Ow! Ahhhhh, this isn't the map, it's the scissors! I've cut myself!"

The majority of the students were now laughing without abandon, Snape was not an exception.

"Ow ow ow. Whew. Ok, breath."

There was a sudden movement pushing out the front of the bag, then a red stain appeared. More rustling.

"I'm out!" Harry shouted. "Why is it so dark still?"

"You're still in the bag, Potter."

"Ah, ok. Oh, you're right. It's my shirt I'm out of. I'll try again."

The whole classroom waited what seemed like thirty minutes and they heard more rustling. The whole scene was becoming boring and Snape had even sat down at his desk to grade some papers.

Finally, there was a breakthrough, quite literally as the scissors poked a hole in the bag. Everyone in the class looked up, expecting Harry to jump out at any moment. But, the moment never came.

Snape walked up to the paper bag.

"Potter?"

"Yes?" Harry wailed.

"Are you ready to admit you can't find your way out of a paper bag?"

"NEVER!"

Snape sighed and sat back down at his desk, getting back to his paper grading.

Harry sighed and began talking to himself again.

"Hmmm, where's that little bit of light coming from? Maybe I can use it to read the map."

He held the map up to the hole. It depicted a paper bag with an opening at the top.

"... maybe if I jump..."

"For Merlin's sake Harry, just rip the bloody bag open!" screamed Hermione who had been fighting her urge to help him the whole time.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for helping the invalid!" Snape yelled.

Suddenly, Harry, following Hermione's advice, ripped open the bag triumphantly to reveal a very naked Boy Who Lived with a very deep gash on his stomach.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for indecent exposure!" Snape yelled again.

"I feel ill," Harry stated before passing out in the floor.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for getting blood on my new marble floors!" Snape yelled once more. "And somebody take him to the infirmary."

The End!

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